If I’m counting correctly, day 9 marked the midway point of my precious time at home. Only 8 days left including today. In some ways, looking back, I feel like the past 8 days were roomy and spacious and relaxed, despite all the Christmas preparations, but I also know that the second half of a trip whizzes by much faster than the first half somehow. It always feels like I’m clinging to each day by my fingernails, hoping to slow time and stretch my precious hours here as much as possible. If I let myself think about it, I’m especially conscious about it this time: this time next year, will I be here with a baby? That will bring all its own kind of magic, and I swear I will focus on all the good sides and the sparkling magic of that in a moment, but for now I’m still in mourning mode: mourning the loss (I assume) of my blissful hours of reading and watching Modern Family (among other things) with my mother. (Actually, I feel I may be exaggerating and over-dramatizing here – it seems like small babies do sleep, if not in long chunks of time, and so perhaps you can still read a book while they nap. Still, though.) I am feeling the impending loss of my absolute freedom and spontaneity acutely. I think the best thing to do, though, is just to ‘feel my feelings’, so to speak… and then perhaps seek help if things don’t turn around (mentally, I mean) at least a little.

Anyway. In the meantime, I want to focus on enjoying each of the remaining days here in my childhood home to the fullest! Movie nights! Cooking for my parents! Hours curled up in my cozy chair with library books! Delicious nights of sleep in the best bed in the world! Companionably running errands with my mom! So many wonderful times.

Meanwhile. Not too much to report about yesterday… I did some work and then went on one such companionable shopping expedition with my mother. I always seem to come back to the US with a list of things that I’d like to acquire… I guess I have not fully adapted to life in Italy in terms of shopping. I still like shopping at my good old familiar favorites in the US. (I do not have high-brow taste or any fashion sense whatsoever, so don’t get excited here.) Just for fun, this trip’s shopping list includes:

• Most urgently: shoes! I *really* need some shoes, preferrably a winter option and a spring option, that are both appropriate for work and also comfortable enough to walk approximately 5 miles a day in (which is my average when I need to teach on both ends of town). I have ordered a pair from Vionic and yesterday I grabbed a pair from Clark’s and now I am fresh out of ideas. If I thought anyone was actually reading this I’d solicit advice, but for the moment I’ll just cross my fingers!
• A nice pair of pants to supplement my work wardrobe. I have ordered a pair of those dress pant/yoga pants that I keep hearing about on podcasts. Ha. We’ll see how that works out.
• Some new tops, just to freshen up the old wardrobe. The only clothes I’ve bought since the start of the pandemic have been… one striped sweater (ordered online last winter). I really could use a couple of things to perk up my daily outfits at work.
• Jeans! I literally only have one pair of jeans that I like and fit comfortably into at the moment, and that is one that the boyfriend gave me for Christmas, improbably enough! I wasn’t even there when he bought it, but with the help of his sister on the phone, he seems to have managed to select a perfect size and shape! I am flabbergasted! That said, it would be great to also have a second pair of jeans or even a third to alternate with. I got one potential candidate at the Gap yesterday, and ordered some more in the same shape. I got this one in the store (in petite size because that’s all that was left, but maybe it could be good for doing that cuff thing above boots?) and ordered the light color and the black version online. I almost never like light-color jeans but you never know! Otherwise, perhaps black could be a classy option? Acceptable even for work? I’ve never actually had black jeans before in my life!
• Yoga pants. Hear me out – I recently rediscovered a pair of yoga pants from college and they are so comfy but also flattering for hanging around the house. Why not enjoy that feeling, instead of always wearing saggy sweatpants? I found some at the gap outlet two days ago. Win!
• Sports bras: this is proving tricky. I think I might order this one, because none of my usual purveyors of sports bras is working out. (Okay, my only usual purveyor is Victoria’s Secret because I grew up in suburbia and don’t know any better.)
• Comfy sneakers. I almost always have a pair of those skechers with no actual laces in my life, but my current one has worn down to nothing. I don’t know why I like those so much but I do and I want to replace them. Plus couldn’t they be good for pregnancy, since no laces? How do you even put shoes on when you can’t see your feet? Eeeep! So many weird things to discover.
• USB/lightening chargers for both boyfriend and myself. This is extremely trivial, but you can get fun colors for cheap here.
• Winter skincare routine. Preferrably from the local mall so I can support it!
• Spices and seasoning packets for cooking projects! Although, will this plan be ruined by pregnancy nausea? Don’t know! So far today I feel okay! Who knows how things will go. That stuff doesn’t expire, anyway, so hopefully I’ll remember to get some for real.

Fact: it’s tempting to get maternity stuff while I’m here, because I won’t know wear to shop in Italy (not that I particularly know where to shop here either). Stuff is probably also cheaper here than there. But I think it’s too early. But on the other hand I won’t be back here for months. Bah. Who knows.

Oh and ALSO. The thing I really really need to do is order my planner for 2022 from Plum Paper so that it arrives before I leave. I have been struggling with it this year, though. Last year and the year before I found it super easy to choose a cover because I was full of excitement and anticipation and optimism about the coming year. I even felt that way at the end of 2020, if you can believe it! The end of 2021, however, is sort of leaving me with a sense of having been punched repeatedly in the face. I feel exhausted by this year, and I also feel that I’m not going to get a breather or a time to be carefree, to regain my energy and positivity about life, before starting in on this baby adventure. Okay. I clearly really need to work through that. Hopefully I can still squeak out some inspiration for this cover sometime today, though!